Vivacious You !!

It was an end of the longest chapter in my life, my last chance at getting whom I always wanted. It had a sad ending after all. Well what good is a love story if it ends happily. So she stood her ground, and I had to accept defeat. There were minuscule hopes attached but the pain after the loss was surprisingly excruciating. Anyways this is not about her, finally.

For all reference this Vivacious girl will be called as Maquina !

So we meet again. This time she didn't have friends around in the same town. I must confess that I found her attractive from the moment I saw her last year. Well so was the case from her end too, the guitar must have been a driving factor initially, so she said. The age difference was never a thing coming in our way as she was advanced and I a bit stunted.

I don't consider that I have lived a non-exciting life or anything but yes she has definitely taught me how to live in the moment and to enjoy it no matter what, be it a funeral !!!
About revenge- yes I do agree that it's sweet as puts it. But I am gonna crave to taste Maquina again.
And about love- " You can't truly love another person, if you don't love yourself in the first place ".
There were many 'firsts' for me in the last few weeks, full of emotions: anger, happiness, lust, care, fear etc., still need to catch up on many things in life, thankfully I am just 26.

I can be all praise for her for days, but I won't. Sadness would be out of scope for me now, and for that I am highly indebted as the pain has subsided and I am rejuvenated. There is this funny thing about happiness, that you feel world is full of possibilities yet you wouldn't want to give credit to the enabler.

We'll meet again, before we bid adieu,
May be a fresh start, likeness in desire...
you will shine like you always do,
As I will light you up, with no Fire...

places/ things which never will be the same again.

CP
Hauz khas... Maquina , Social offline..
Saket
Zoomcar
PG disaster
MG road
Golf coarse road
Greator Kailash
GPS
Ice-cream
Miller

P.S.: The Greed remains.......would want to take up wanderlust with Maquina before I disappear.
Eagerly waiting for the end of the year ! there will be a new me , and I hope there's the same You !!
Fare-thee-well till then !!

Anuj

Last Chance

It takes a lot of courage to end this life
Jump off, poison or slit of a knife..
may be I'll gather it in due course of time
till then I would commit this unforgivable crime..

Yes, my conscience allowed me
hurt them, make'em cry..
not deigned to always listen
retaliate now, don't just sigh...

Do I unleash the beast within
or let it be tamed?
Do I have them for their skin,
If I bleed, are they to be blamed?

they say, you're the master
Remember God resides within you
with all my might, I'll take this last chance
it's either you, or I'll let the devil through...

                                                                    - Anuj Kalra

Travelling the distance

So there's this girl for whom you're ready to travel the distance, crossing all sorts of barriers; you never got a chance though. She was never there at the receiving end. You never lost touch; birthdays, new year's came in handy to strike a conversation, visit her place, but somehow never had the opportunity to unleash the romantic that is you.
Always there to listen to her problems, since you were a good friend to her (might as well be a friend forever). Never did that optimistic streak left, you hoped that one day she might understand. There were times when the night would pass by filled with the never ending talks literally about anything and everything. Over the years after high school comfort level has increased considerably but still pouring your heart out brings distress as both of you stand your ground to be or not to be in love.
Still there was a craving that they never got the chance to be spending time out of the normal setup that is in the hometown. Random talks did leave to a point wherein plans were made for a detour to the pink city. That old familiar rush in the veins and you are high on life again, now everything seems just right in this beautiful world. Yet again you wish that things remain like this, no further obstacles should creep in but be rest assured at the same time that things have never been easy for you so why the fuck will they let you be in peace this fucking time. Plan got cancelled, something came up at her end leaving you with just a souvenir in the form of cancelled tickets in her name. You think to yourself that what if things would have executed the way they were planned? , what if she understood? would she have traveled the distance too?

Test of Dignity

You have always been taught to maintain dignity in all circumstances . No matter what, you don't give in, don't let your urge take over, But what if the urge is in itself to lose your dignity. lose whatever you once believed in, since your beliefs didn't turn our well for you.
You seek change, and you now believe that this change necessarily comes at the cost of your self-esteem. Isn't your will that you possess strong enough to hold you back.
Letting the negative thoughts prevail, is it justified?
Who exactly can judge what's positive & negative?
Conscience does hint that some action won't be called ethical but isn't that a restraint being put upon an individual's right to freedom? what if he wants to break free?
So you set an agenda, a futuristic one , of trying out something you haven't till date being submissive to the restraints imposed. The day slowly approaches for you to break free from the shackles and second thoughts creep in.
Is it the goodness inside calling or is it you pussying out?
It takes a lot of courage/stupidity to make the leap. You think to yourself if you're up for it?
What exactly is stopping you? Perhaps the fear of regret that will or probably will come later on.
Won't you be able to forgive yourself. There's definitely this dilemma encircling your thoughts that regret will prevail anyhow.
A condition of Zugzwang, where the most viable move would be to not move at all. But are we born for only this, to be stunted??
Make a move , take the leap, with no regrets.
Life is too short to do right things all the time.

-Anuj Kalra

Karma

Lost in search of achieving, you find yourself clueless somehow.. desire that existed once, is merely a story now..

Destiny grows on you no matter what, still KARMA Is by choice not force.. Believing that " I am the author ", the story moves on its own..

Convincing oneself of what prevails, the ephemeral beliefs fades.. debauched lifestyle comes in aid, Daintly opening the hell gates..

Besieged by people of all sorts, deigned to help others .. Finding yourself amidst the abyss, not considering it a gift but curse..

Who is worthy of emulation? Would you meet him anon or won't you? If you are tired Pondering the question, KARMA is your clue..

Anuj Kalra

A never ending feeling..

You will be remembered though i lost you long time ago, in the memory lanes i lingered, recollecting moments, craving for more...

purpose in life is a must you were mine, I had control these days I'm being controlled by lust losing my beliefs, losing my soul...

if only I could time travel, I'll put everything right dreams will turn to reality with each passing night...

Someday we'll meet at the crossroads two strangers yet again, left with no more open doors an abyss, this never ending memory lane..

Anuj Kalra